As I approached the 50th day of a recent tour I couldn't help but think of the guy who
claimed the world record for "Most Consecutive Days Cycle Touring Without Changing Underwear."
54 days. That's right, fifty-four days.
Now, not everyone who held such a lofty distinction would publish it over the Internet so already this
is some special sort of person, but the more I thought about it the more questions I had.
Presumably he was traveling alone, at least by the second week, and probably also in a remote area. Otherwise I have to think that the authorities would have intervened.
Most every country has some air quality laws.
I wonder if he had a clean pair in his pack that he was saving for a special occasion? Just taking off the old pair would be sufficiently "special" for most of us so I'm wondering what the other
occasion could possibly be. If he couldn't be bothered to wash them, why not
just throw them away and do without? It's hard to imagine that wearing them provided
any benefit.
In his book The 20th Maine the author tells of a soldier who was returned to the regiment
after being in a Confederate POW camp for a year or more. His comrades immediately
took him down to the river and gave him a good scrubbing, perhaps not just for his benefit.
Afterward, as he dried in the sun, they noticed that large areas of his skin appeared to be curling up and separating
from his body. Further drying and closer inspection revealed a pair of long underwear
the soldier had been wearing for so long that he had forgotten about them. Perhaps
our brave fellow simply forgot that he had them on and only discovered his record-breaking achievement at the end of his tour.
The irrationality of this behavior tempts me to call foul on his claim to the world record. I, for
one, would surely feel better if the real record was down around seven days, but I also fear that if I challenge his claim
he'll send me the proof. I'm probably safe there because anyone that attached
to his skivvies wouldn't give them away.
Maybe he's still wearing them and the record stopped at 54 days because he's no longer touring.
As you can see, I'm quite troubled by this man's inappropriate self-disclosure. These things put a burden on the listener that he didn't ask for.
Like the college professor who revealed to his class, but not his wife, that he had had an affair. And I'm feeling that burden now. But, like the professor,
I feel better having told you about the damn fool and his underwear. I haven't
thought about it again since I wrote this a week ago last Tuesday.
